When I'm happy,I am sad but everything's good, its not that complicated

Women moan that men are complicated, but I genuinely believe it is women who make men complicated –  let’s face it, men are pretty simple creatures. You see if you ask a man how he is, and he replies ‘fine’ he will genuinely mean that he is fine. However, because when we women reply ‘fine’, it can mean a multitude of meanings (such as ‘I am so seething-ly angry I can’t even begin to tell you’ or ‘You have let me down majorly and all I can answer is this one syllable word’ or ‘My god I am so very excited, but I can’t show it’ and of course there is the odd occasion when we say that we are fine, and we actually mean it), we tend to over think the answer provided.

When you think about it, the saying is ‘a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach’. So if they were as involved as we females like to make out, then the old saying would not have made it such a long time used. Women are far more complicated, for starters you couldn’t use the aforementioned statement, as we spend such a stupid amount of time worrying about the size of our stomachs, and any man aiming to fill them could raise suspicions of being a feeder (when, in my case, he may just be acutely aware of my severe lack of cooking skills).

Now, don’t get me wrong, men do have their complications, for example, when they say that they will call you later, I don’t think even they know when later will be. I mean technically, you could say (quite simply) that they will call later, as after all, five seconds from now is later, one hour from now is later, three days from now is later. I could go on, but I feel you get the gist of where I am going with this. Women however, need to analyse when later is. Is later in the next hour? This evening? Tomorrow? Generally we assume later is within the same 24 hours, and become perplexed when this ‘later’ does not happen imminently. This then leads to hours of agonising over why the call hasn’t occurred, and this is where it becomes messy.

If a female is waiting for one of their gurleys to call and the call doesn’t happen, then we pick up the phone and make the call ourselves. What we don’t do is check the phone every two seconds for the next five days in a row; nor do we recruit our bestie to analyse the past conversation that occurred and to spend hour upon hour dissecting each and every word used. So, it seems if a woman is confusing another woman, then we seek clarification, but if a man confuses a woman then we need tissues and a large vodka supply.

Now, just to clarify therefore, I guess at the end of the day, and trust me, this is hard to accept, (apply this simple logic to the phone call scenario) but if he hasn’t called, it's not that he hasn't called because he's busy, or because you didn't smile or talk enough (or did too much). It's not that he lost your phone number. The bottom line is, if he hasn't called, he's not that interested. See. Simple.