Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead

Eleanor Roosevelt once said ‘No-one can make you feel inferior without your consent’. This is a quote I have pinged around my brain on many occasions, and yet, as easy as it is to transfer such a statement into my daily world, I tried to supplement ‘inferior’ for another word and I have found that you cannot transfer the logic so easily - Pain for example. ‘No-one can make you feel pain without your consent’. It doesn't work. I'm not talking about physical pain, I’m talking about emotional pain. You see, if someone is going to hurt you, or if you are going to hurt someone else, then it’s going to happen one way or the other. 

My motto for the past year of my life is ‘broken, but still good’.  I see people like vases. Each time you are caused pain, it is like a vase falling off of the shelf. You can pick up as many of the pieces as possible, and glue them back together, but although it looks a similar shape, it’s not the same; the more times you drop that vase, the less chance of finding all of the pieces. In the end, it depends on how much you love the vase, or whether it’s time to replace it for a non-chipped version.

Your heart and your head (I say head, I mean brain, but I like the alliteration) are two vital organs required for living. It seems brutally unfair then, that they conflict so easily. We are always told to follow our hearts, but in my experience, my heart is not the best judge of character, and often leads me into lots of trouble. If I could listen to my head, I would say ‘Meh!’ (a highly eloquent term, that I have learnt in the past year) and continue on the path I was on last week, but by listening to my heart, I feel pain, steering my path onto an alternate journey.

I hurt someone yesterday, and by doing so, I not only caused them pain, but continued to break myself. I deeply want to blame another person for the reason that I hurt someone close to me, and partly I can, but I also need to take responsibility. You see, my vase was dropped and now it is chipped, cracked, and slightly broken. Although I never gave my consent to be initially hurt, I guess I am somehow allowing this historical action to continue to cause me pain in the present. This is why I was thinking about the opening quote. I understand that no-one can make you feel inferior without your consent, but feeling inferior, is still feeling, just the same as feeling sad.

I don't know where this post is going, I don't have a summary or a genius moment of enlightenment, I just just have one final statement 'Oh for a time machine'.

Slightly off on a tangent, have you ever noticed how moments of your life are sound tracked? Ironically ‘You Outta Know’  by Alanis Morrisette played on my shuffle play list as I typed this entry.