Miss Austen Regrets

My favourite writer of all time, like most females, is Miss Austen. She writes of the love that even two hundred years on, we lust over. The women are always headstrong and vibrant, they know who they are and no matter how bleak things seem, things always turn out for the best. Take Emma for example, she may mean well, but she is shallow and this flaw almost ruined the chances of her best friends happiness, and yet Mr Knightly accepted her flaws and loved her anyway.

But within the same blog, I must admit that I do believe that all men are tainted because of such stories. How can they possibly measure up to a character not only of fiction, but idolised by the imagination of all females. No matter how good the man may be, he won’t be as warm natured as Henry Tilney, he won’t be as magnanimous as Captain Wentworth, nor as generous as Mr Darcy.

But even Darcy is a damaging ideal to women of the 21^st century. My best friend had been struggling with her boyfriend’s behaviour, on the final week, she cried how she didn’t want to lose him, how he was the perfect man for her...or she’d at least make him the perfect man for her.  That there, that one disclaimer sums up so many of us. Woman give their heart completely, and by doing so, we block out the niggly bits, the bits that we never wanted, but would put up with, because we so badly want to believe in this one...after all Mr Darcy seemed so very far from perfect when he first arrived at Netherfield. Apart from his dashing good looks and well suited attire, he generally acted like an arse. He was rude, unfriendly and seemed to lack compassion in every way, and yet, on completion of the tale, he became a heartthrob all over the world for centuries to follow.

Maybe this is the illusion that women toil under. If I can just hang on in there, he too will be the man of my dreams. I’ve never been a lover of empting those half full glasses, but the stories just aren’t true. The girl doesn’t always get the guy. The girl may get to sit on the sidelines of his life, or cook his dinner and wait for his call, she may even take to bed with him, but the truth is, if he isn’t what you want him to be in the beginning, when everything is fresh, new and exciting, he sure as hell isn’t going to transform further down the line, when his efforts aren’t required.

I have written before about the time when I first found myself without ‘hims’,  and how a friend of mine told me to write a list of everything I would want from a man. I listed everything, looks, personality, interests...totally brutal and one day I hope to meet the mythical  creature who is my would-be soul mate. In the meantime however, I will be my own heroine, in my own story, I know how I want it to end, and I will not substitute my final act in anyway; likewise, and equally important, I will not substitute my lead.