After a week of leaving for work at the ungodly time of
5.50am every day, to do a two hour penguin walk on the ice, and a ‘oh my gosh I
can’t reach the handrail’ train surf, to then have a ten hour day, followed by
the reverse journey home; I was, it is fair to say, ever so slightly shattered
by the time it got to Saturday. In the space of one week I had walked nearly 20
miles...and after falling down my stairs the weekend before that, and dropping
a solid wood bed frame on my toes this weekend, my feet had well and truly had
enough. So, I decided, whilst two men were hard at work up in my bedroom (ha,
that sounds far sexier than the real-life event of having a new carpet
fitted...although I am totally loving my new carpet) I was going to embrace the
month of romance and check out a romantic movie.
Two
hours of my life later and I am crying my heart out...ooh, do you know why
people cry? I looked it up, I’ve been meaning to find out for ages, so now I
will dispatch such vital information, here comes the science bit: When we become upset, our brains and bodies overreact and
work overtime by producing chemicals and hormones. Crying helps eliminate these
extra chemicals that we don't need. The chemicals and hormones disappear from
our body through the form of tears. As our tears flow, they sooth our sadness
or distress by withdrawing these chemical agents. Ok, so maybe that wasn’t the
most scientific explanation known to man, but that’s as science-y as I get...ok
so back to the actual post...
I watched ‘One Day’, it was so
sad. I know the film got slated, but, I didn’t hate...it did however ruin the
rest of my day. The film is based on David Nicholls story about Emma Morley and
Dexter Mayhew who meet after graduation in the late eighties; although they
spend the night together, they agree to simply be friends. The story then
follows their lives for twenty years, and it’s a case of wrong place wrong time
for the majority of the plot, but eventually, they get together, and I was
sitting there with a big dopey grin, only to have it horribly wiped off minutes
later when she is hit by a lorry and dies. Similar with Atonement – totally beautiful
film, totally hated the ending, I know that its artsy and their souls get to
live on, but let’s face it, lifes lonely and if you spend all that time waiting
for someone only to lose them moments later, what’s the point? I watched this
film called Remember Me - again, the prominent
‘until death do us part’ was ever present. Whoops sorry, should have mentioned
spoiler alerts...too late now I guess...sorry.
Anyhoo, I’ve always picked the
books with the happy endings, and when I sit through a film and it doesn’t end
how I want it to, I tend to dwell on it. If I want sad stories, I can look at
real life, but I am a hopeless romantic, I like for my head to be in the
clouds, I love to dream of heart-skipping declarations and I wish with all my
heart for the happily ever afters, not only to arrive, but to last. So yeah,
morbid endings do not fit into my fluffy romance.
So, here I am on single on valentine’s day for
the first time in nearly a decade, and I am trying to work out, is it better to
have loved and lost than never loved at all? I mean, who am I to argue with the
bard, but, if you’ve never loved, then you don’t know what you’re missing out
on, therefore if you don’t know what you’re missing, how can you miss it? If
you have loved, and then had your heart royally stomped on – it hurts. I’m not
a sprog lover, but I love that line in Love Actually when the sprog turns round
and says ‘lets get the shit kicked out of us by love’, because, I guess that’s
true. You can only really love someone by giving them your heart, but by doing
so, you risk so much.
I’m ok with being single, I am
meeting the expectations, maybe not fulfilling the entire brief, but being
single on Valentine’s day, is like being single any other day. The world doesn’t
stop turning because hallmark decided for the price of £2.75 another should have
the power to rock or destroy your world. At this point in time, I actually
quite like being me. I am a whole person. I might not be someone’s other half,
but that doesn’t make me a lesser being. xx
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